The Change Process
Think of the lizard. It spends most of its life on the ground, envying the birds and feeling frustrated by its fate and its shape. It sees itself as ugly, unwanted, and condemned to crawl along the ground. One day, however, Mother Nature asks the lizard to make a cocoon. The lizard is startled because it has never made a cocoon before. It believes it is building its own tomb and prepares to die. Although unhappy with the life it has lived, it complains that just when it had finally become accustomed to its circumstances, everything is being taken away. In desperation, it closes itself inside the cocoon and awaits the end. But days later, something remarkable happens. What once crawled along the ground emerges transformed, able to spread its wings and fly.
Adapted from a passage in Maktub by Paulo Coelho.
Change is not easy. In fact, it can be extremely difficult, especially when we have spent a lifetime climbing the ladder of success only to discover, after years of struggling, that the ladder may have been leaning against the wrong wall. Understanding change can help us appreciate the process and keep us from making decisions based solely on impulse and emotion. Change rarely occurs all at once. It is a process, and there are important principles we should consider if we want to transform ourselves and become the best we can be, both personally and professionally.
Change Is a Step of Faith
Change can be so incremental that we sometimes fail to notice the small successes occurring along the way. Think about trying to lose weight. You may not see dramatic results immediately, and it can be frustrating when the scale shows only small improvements. But if you stay the course and trust that healthier eating and regular exercise will improve your health, those small improvements can become significant over time. Losing just one pound per week, for example, could amount to approximately 52 pounds over the course of a year.
The same principle applies to personal growth. When we get up each day determined to do our best, speak the truth, control our anger, and treat others with kindness and respect, our actions begin to speak louder than our words. The success we experience because of those actions builds confidence. That confidence can motivate us to continue until our new behaviors become part of who we are. Eventually, change begins to occur from the inside out.
Professionally, when we take the time to understand our colleagues and patiently work alongside them and understand their behavior, our confidence can grow along with theirs. Behavior change usually requires repetition, reinforcement, patience, and consistency. We cannot expect one correction or one conversation to permanently change behavior. Be persistent. Stay the course. Your confidence will grow, and so will the confidence of your students.
Change Is Painful
Sometimes changing our physical habits is easier than changing our thoughts, attitudes, and emotions. Becoming more mindful can help us change physically, but the more difficult work often involves changing how we think about our circumstances, our upbringing, and the experiences that have shaped us. Developing a more positive outlook, learning to manage worry, becoming more accepting of others and learning to forgive can be challenging. Yet these changes can also be some of the most rewarding. We may decide to leave the past behind, but sometimes the past continues to influence us. Real change means acknowledging that influence without allowing it to control our future.
Change Requires Patience—and We Will Revisit Old Behaviors
Mistakes will happen. If we have made a commitment to change a behavior or habit, patience with ourselves is essential. Don’t give up because you lost your temper, missed a workout, or ate one too many slices of pizza. Get back on track. Recommit yourself to the process and get back in the game as quickly as possible. You may have failed at something today, but that does not make you a failure. Progress is rarely a perfectly straight line. Sometimes we move forward, sometimes we stumble, and sometimes old behaviors return. What matters is our willingness to begin again.
We Must Be Willing to Change
Every New Year’s Day, people resolve to quit smoking, lose weight, exercise, eat better, or change another unwanted habit. Weeks or months later, many find themselves returning to their old behaviors, particularly when stress enters their lives. Wanting to change is important, but wanting alone is rarely enough. Lasting change requires willingness, commitment, preparation, and a plan for dealing with the situations that once triggered the old behavior. The question becomes: How important is this change to me, and what am I willing to do consistently to make it happen?
Change Requires Positive Thinking and Positive People
One of our greatest responsibilities is learning to manage our thoughts. Our thoughts influence our words, our choices, and ultimately our actions. Work to fill your mind with thoughts that encourage growth rather than defeat. Read inspiring books. Meditate. Exercise. Take a yoga class. Pray if that is part of your life. Spend time doing things that help you become calmer, stronger, and more focused. The people around us matter as well. Maintain relationships with people who encourage your growth and respect your goals. Establish appropriate boundaries with people who consistently discourage you or attempt to pull you away from the changes you are trying to make. Change is difficult enough without constantly surrounding ourselves with voices telling us that we cannot succeed.
Change Is a Prerequisite for Growth
If our desire is to improve physically, mentally, emotionally, professionally, or spiritually, change must become a priority. Growth requires us to let go of certain habits, beliefs, or behaviors that no longer serve us. Sometimes a breakthrough requires a break with the way we have always done things. The process can lead us down a new path where we discover that the lessons learned in one area of our lives can be applied to many others. As we successfully make changes, we often become more confident and courageous. Problems that once seemed overwhelming may become more manageable because the change process itself has taught us that we are capable of adapting, learning, and moving forward.
Change Requires Consistency and Flexibility
Suppose your goal is to become more punctual at work and in your personal life. Consistency will help establish and maintain that habit. At the same time, other people may not place the same value on punctuality that you do. This is where flexibility becomes important. Be as flexible as you reasonably can without compromising your values or allowing others to repeatedly disregard your time. If you are meeting someone at a coffee shop, for example, you might decide that you are willing to wait 15 minutes before leaving. Consistency helps us establish standards. Flexibility helps us live with other people. Together, they help us establish healthy boundaries for ourselves and our relationships.
Change Allows Us to Evaluate Our Motives
Why do we want to change? Are we changing because we genuinely believe it will improve our lives, or are we simply trying to become the person someone else wants us to be? If we are attempting to meet another person’s expectations while violating our own values or moral compass, we should reevaluate our motives. On the other hand, if our behavior is negatively affecting our family, coworkers, students, friends, or others around us, recognizing that impact can provide an important reason to change. Self-improvement does not occur in isolation. The changes we make within ourselves often affect everyone around us.
Change Strengthens Our Character
There is an old saying that character is what we do when no one is looking. There is a great deal of truth in that idea. Pretending to be someone we are not in order to gain the approval of others does little to develop genuine character. True change occurs when our behavior remains consistent whether someone is watching us or not. When a person is alone and chooses not to return to a negative behavior they have been working to overcome, that is meaningful progress. Deep within each of us is the truth about who we are. Ultimately, every person must ask whether their public life and private life align.When our beliefs, words, and actions begin to line up, change becomes more than something we are trying to accomplish. It becomes part of who we are.
And perhaps that is the greatest lesson of change: transformation does not mean becoming someone else. It means becoming a better version of ourselves.