Do you ever get asked this question? I do, probably a bit more frequently than I would like. What is happiness anyway? Well happy comes from the word happens, so what happens to us can either make us happy or unhappy. So we have something that I call situational reactive disorder; the situation dictates our state of mind. So the circumstances the environment or some people can at times make or break our day. It’s like reacting to the weather, sunny-happy, rainy-unhappy. But, what if we could just carry our weather around with us? And were like a sunny day, that would not only make us feel good but probably a whole lot of people around us. Often when we allow circumstance to dictate our attitude a bit too much we can become one of those miserable, crotchety old people that others talk about. When they walk into a room they’re not a sunny day but rather a thunderstorm. For the record happiness is fleeting it comes and goes. Some people might even be referred to as moody, when circumstances don’t meet their expectations.
Okay, happiness is circumstance and is fleeting but there is another state of mind that doesn’t get considered, and that state of mind is joyful. Joy doesn’t rely on circumstance and believe it or not joy is permanent. Those who are joyful don’t worry about circumstance, the environment, or other people as a matter of fact those that are joyful don’t care about those things they’re too busy enjoying the joy they feel from within. So the real challenge is how does a person develop that joy? Children are born with the state of joyfulness and as they interact with the environment they become more joyful based upon the novelties of life. But, alas as they grow older and spend more time observing and interacting with their parents frustration sets in and they too experience circumstances that makes them frustrated and unhappy. When not dealt with correctly, and by that I mean helping the child realize that they are not the center of the universe, just a part of it they could grow into a rather unhappy soul, now we have another unhappy adult.
But how do we work on the state of joyfulness and learn how to accept circumstance for what it is, people for who they are, and accept those thunderstorms when they happen.
Here are a 7 Unique suggestions to help you become joyful (or more joyful) and to bring some joy into the lives of the people around you.
Okay no one likes to get up early, we like to sleep. But, getting up early does have its benefits. I’m not talking about getting up just early enough so you can hustle out the door in the morning. I’m talking about getting up one to two hours ahead of schedule so you can take care of some things that if left undone won’t get done and rest assured they won’t get done when you get home from work. So if you normally get up at 7 am get up at 5 am. Something that I did several years ago when I was working on this was to shave 15 minutes off my sleep time every week. So in a couple of months I was getting up 2 hours earlier than when I started.
You might be thinking what am I going to do with this extra 2 hours. Well there’s plenty. You see we all have 24 hours in a day, right? So how come everyone says I wish I could do x, y, or z if only I had more time. Now you can fill in the x, y, or z yourself, but just think about what you might do with an extra 2 hours every day. Think about what you might do for yourself, your family, or maybe you might just get to work earlier, so you don’t have to stay later and you could spend some time with your loved ones or a friend. That would be nice wouldn’t it? Trust me this will bring joy to you and your family.
Let me share an interesting workout with you: Micro Workouts. To be very honest up until recently I never heard of this before. Basically it’s doing 5-10 minutes of exercise throughout the day. Oh, you can do a more general workout say for 30-45 minutes for sure. But often after these long workouts we tend to revel in the fact that our workout is done for the day and rest on our laurels. My 5 minutes in the morning starts with a short stretch and then 50 air squats and 20 pushups off of the back of the footboard of my bed. Research supports the fact that these 5-10 minutes of exercise throughout the day lowers blood sugar and helps fight against obesity. I would say from experience that it does.
Now, why do this? It creates the habit and when done consistently you will always be aware of the fact that even if you did nothing else you did a few minutes of structured exercise for the day. There is something called NEAT. This stands for Non Exercise Activity Thermogenics. That is the amount of calories you burn just by moving. So the obvious point is you will burn more calories when you have opportunities to walk more or do a few squats during the day
It’s all about consistency and the ability to sustain something. Starting something is one thing, but often we can become overwhelmed because we our goals were a bit too ambitious. Slow and easy wins the race, failure is a part of life but don’t set yourself up for it. Success will come and joyfulness along with it.
You may decide that exercise is better for you in the morning and begin to schedule an exercise routine that you can stick to. I know folks who have tried to exercise for an hour 3-4 days a week. They discovered that this wasn’t sustainable and abandoned the program. By exercising a few minutes in the morning, at lunch hour, and then later in the day you can get 30 minutes of exercise (remember I am talking about 50 squats and 20 pushups which you can do off of a desk). Do a little bit more walking and you will lower your blood sugar and burn a bit more fat than if you remained sedentary.
So there you have it, number two on the list of things you should start doing and start doing and keep doing every day to help build that joyful spirit.
- Do something nice for your spouse, your children or your parents
I have been married to my wife Pat for ten years; needless to say that this is my second marriage. I learned a lot along the way and made a bunch of mistakes as well. Pat works hard; she cares for her aging mother and is truly a great person and wife, every day for as long as I can remember I have been bringing Pat coffee in bed in the morning. Early in our marriage I did this without giving it a second thought, until I discovered how much she really likes it. Now this small act of love and kindness has taken on a whole new meaning for me and for her as well. It’s small, no bells and whistles, no motive, it’s actually fun. An added bonus is we get to spend some time together talking about the news, our day, or our kids.
For my youngest daughter Zoe who is driven to school I ready her backpack and lunch box in the morning and place it in the car for her. I know they’re suppose to learn responsibility, I got it but often I wonder how we will help our daughters to recognize positive qualities in a partner if we don’t show them what it looks like; I also like holding the car door for all of my daughters (ages 13, 27, and 32) as an example of kindness and courtesy. The small things are the big things.
My oldest daughters 28 and 33 have been through this and don’t live with me any longer. But, I always send a text of a heart or a short I am thinking of you message. They know no response is needed, and I know they appreciate it.
We were all children once, and to our parents we will always be their children. They will always have difficulty getting out from under the memory of what we looked like and how we acted when we were infants, toddlers, tweens, and teens. Whether we get along with them or not, we owe them, something. It might be a phone call, an invite to dinner, or just a card letting them know that we love them. If your parents are no longer and have passed away try to keep them in your heart and keep them in your memory during the holidays or on what would have been their birthday. If there is a divide between you and your parents make it right and I mean this minute. Don’t allow the time to pass because days become weeks and then years and if things aren’t right and they do pass away the guilt could be a lifetime burden for you. We will all have the memory of our parents kicking around in our head and by dealing with any issues that you have with them now you avoid the nightmare of being haunted from the grave.Often doing for others can become more joyful than the things we do for ourselves. Don’t miss out on the blessing of being a servant to those you love.
The Bible states in the book of Philippians chapter 4 versus 6-8 the following:
Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
By the way the word anxious in verse 6 could be used instead of carful. I am not a theologian but I do know that that when Paul instructs us in verse 8 to think on these things, it is really a very good idea. How much less worry would all of us be doing if our focus was on things that were pure, lovely, and of good report. How much calmer would all of us be if we focused on the good reports, instead of the ones that were negative, unkind, disrespectful, and just plain bad. There is something that is called the locus of control, meaning that we can be controlled by internal and external factors. Well in reality we can only be controlled by external factors; if we allow those factors to hijack our thoughts: those negative thoughts ultimately will cause undue worry, anxiety, and at times depression. But, if we fill our minds with love, joy, peace, patience and kindness and think on that which is honest, pure, and lovely and of a good report then the peace of God will occupy our mind and our soul; that peace will eliminate worry and fear and we will be on our way to becoming more joyful.
Let’s see, a fastball, curve or slider, where are the batter’s feet and hands? Think Burns, can’t make a mistake; call time. This is what I went through as a catcher in high school. Oh, I loved playing the game for a variety of reasons, but calling the game to me was just so stressful that I was never tired after playing the game; I was exhausted from something that I call decision fatigue, over analyzing every pitch to the point that if the batter got a hit I would kick myself for calling the wrong pitch. Finally my wonderful coach who was not only a great coach but a true man of character got a hold of me, he knew what I was going through and he said to me, “Burns, you think long, you think wrong.” He went on to explain that it’s a 1, 2, or 3, fastball, curve or slider. You are going to be right about 30% of the time, the other 70% is up to the batter, because he is guessing as well. That was it, from then on I put down a 1, 2, or 3 with conviction and let the chips fall where they may. Or should I say let the ball fall where it may.
Isn’t this what we do in life? We constantly analyze our thoughts, words, actions, and at times our attitudes and motives to the point of exhaustion. Please don’t misunderstand me some things require some deep thought, and analysis like a marriage partner, job change, finances or raising kids but if you operate from the standpoint of being principle centered some of the toughest decisions that you might have to make are already decided upon way down deep in the chambers of your soul. You will then make those decisions with conviction. That conviction keeps you from feeling regret, and the pillow is a little softer at night. Joy is right around the corner when realize that every decision doesn’t have to be perfect, it just requires a bit of resiliency when the going gets tough and we make a bad call.
At times it’s a positive thing to consider the past and reflect on an experience or an event that we enjoyed and learned from. However for some the past is not seen as a reflection but a destination and focusing on events that have caused pain can only lead to frustration, anxiety, guilt and regret. Remember, no person, no person will add one extra minute to their life by dwelling on the negative experiences that occurred in the past. This is not easy it’s hard because you may try and forget the past but the past will never forget you; so unless you get amnesia the past will always be floating around inside of you. Our job should we decide to accept it is to keep the lion it in its cage, and understand the triggers that cause that roaring lion to get out and take charge of your present.
Healing from past pain or traumatic experiences is not something that happens overnight. It is a process that requires patience, dedication and a commitment to change. Humans are wired for wanting to feel good and to minimize feeling bad, which often triggers self-sabotaging behaviors like drug and alcohol abuse or an overindulgent behaviors like overeating or using credit cards in excess in an attempt to avoid pain. When we experience a painful event such as betrayal or other traumatic experiences, it can rewire us for self-preservation. We may live in “fight or flight” mode, constantly anticipating more pain in our lives which can be unconsciously welcomed through our actions.
The past is a done-deal. We can’t change it. And being stuck in the past is only hurting our potential joy in the present. By accepting that the past is over, it allows us to grieve and to release the pain that we may have been carrying with us. Do yourself a favor and don’t allow the past to remind you of what you are not now. Let the past remind you of who you are right now and focus on what went right not wrong. This will create a spirit of joyfulness and peace.
I retired from public education in 2004 to pursue work as a consultant, writer, and college instructor. I will admit that it was and still is nice not to have to get up with the moon and be out of the house before sunrise. However after I retired I still got up with the moon I just didn’t have to anymore, I choose to. As a matter of fact since I retired I don’t think there have been 10 days in twenty years when I got up in the morning and I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do.
Early in my retirement I frequently left the house to do in-service training of teachers. When I wasn’t doing training I was writing or soliciting. I have been a college instructor since 2000 and have written graduate courses and have often taught on weekends. I have kept busy. I enjoy walking, exercise, and challenging myself with new tasks like jumping rope or working on my balance. I truly do enjoy the physical aspect of life; so much so that I became certified as a personal trainer with the goal of helping other avoid the pitfalls that come with an unhealthy life.
Now why do I say this? Well it’s good to have something to do every day for sure but more importantly it’s good to know what you are going to do, how you are going to do it and how long something will take. This is known as setting goals, and with every goal there are objectives. The objectives are the baby steps we take to reach our goals every day. We also have to figure out what we want to do and why we want to do it. That’s purpose. We all, have a unique design and when discover how our design fits into our job our career or our life it will bring lifelong joy to us physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. In other words what motivates us and what are our gifts that we can use to make a difference in our own life and the lives of others. Once this is discovered the moon won’t be as daunting in the morning and we will always have a reason and a purpose for waking up.
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